RANDOM IDEAS

alien nation?

the best e.t. song ever?
Neil Diamond Heartlight!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VHd74-FyOoA

of pizza and dinosaurs

DINOSAURS AND BEYOND

Dinosaur pizza

Add some extra cheese

Ask for a job

And don’t say please

Countdown to Armageddon

I think my watch is slow

Bush’s son was up to no good

How was I to know?

It doesn’t take brains

It’s easy to lose money

Seinfeld is a riot

But The King of Queens ain’t funny

Time for a new lease on life

The old one sprang a leak

How does the brain function

When the body’s getting weak?

“You turned off David Letterman, now you must die”

Anybody else feel like that?

Bronstein burns the midnight oil

But Fat Guy just stays fat

Icharus flew too close to the sun

You can tell by the burns on his wings

Is it possible to believe in America

But also other things?

Romney and Obama going to war

Who do you trust with a child?

Animals are people with four legs

And they got to stay wild

“Stabilize your rear deflectors”

A monkey flies out of my butt

Everybody lost something

Now they all want a cut

The Roman Empire risen

The gladiator turned the tables

Neocons weren’t covered

In my book of Aesop’s Fables

Freedom of speech or freedom of death?

Can you unlearn not to think?

A candle for the archbishop

And I’ll have another drink

Little by little

The truth unravels

Was it all just another lie?

Some people worry and scream and yell

Others stay calm and cry

I guess you could say 9-11 never ended

Or is this called recovery?

I asked for love I asked for life

I got misery and drudgery

In like a lamb

Out like a lion

The climate is changing, and fast

Thank heavens my little Toyota Corolla CE

Was built to last

“Get me to the doctor”

Show me to the door

Stand up and change the channel

Bob Dylan said you can win the war

“After losing every battle”

Have we come to the end of all things

Or is this the Grey Havens?

Back in the day the Cleveland Browns

Became the Baltimore Ravens

“You were put here to protect us

But who protects us from you?”

I save my pennies and go to the store

But noone will sell me a clue

Cops and gang-bangers patrol the streets

In word if not in deed

“Dae wonna wanga”

“Teglowa Master Luke”

We all have a mouth to feed

Dereliction of duty

In the White House

Will impeachment do us any good?

Do you people sleep better knowing

That Big Brother trolls the neighborhood?

Food porn, lifestyle porn,

Who’s behind the lens?

Daylight brings me sinus headache

Bring paper and pens

Saddam Hussein and the kings of old

Enforced their wills with power

I look in the mirror

And see myself growing colder by the hour

“Don’t be dark” says Pollyanna

She’s probably a demon

Some folks learn to dance with life

And others stand there reeling

“Fight the powers that be”

Or just be pissed off all the time

Brian Kuhar turned to me and said

“At least it rhymes”

Dark days behind, dark days ahead

Will somebody please draw the curtains?

I never thought my lot in life

Would be that of an urchin

fight song?

Soup's on, Nipper!
Let's win one for the Gipper!
Order of the Silver Hammer meets the Brotherhood of Tea.
Making the bad guys walk the plank?
It serves 'em right, for heaven's sake.
Obama Buzz comes straight at Mitt Romney.

friends: a mental state?

facebook versus life

Mark Zuckerberg's 'facebook' web site
www.facebook.com
is a strange development in human history.
Back when?
Friendship used to just kind of 'happen.'
It 'occurred.'
Often, people walked in and out of your life, before there was time to smack them with a label like 'friend,' 'enemy,' or 'acquaintance.'
I"m no expert.
Who is?
Freddie Mercury and Queen?
You know, that one song about 'friends' they did.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImFc5bOEWl8
Their guess is as good as mine.
During modern times, Jody Watley seems to get a little closer to the truth with her own 'Friends' song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQRVBFi2sII
Here's the thing.
Like enemies, friends make their 'status' known in the blink of an eye, or, from the German, 'Augenblick.'
example?
case in point?
fall, 1983.
parkland junior high school, mchenry, illinois.
exhibit a) fellow 6th grader Brian Kuhar takes look at Bob, asks other 6th grader, Mike Lazar: "is that guy a wuss?" Lazar: "No, he just has wussy hair." exhibit b) random thug: "Are you Jewish?" Bob: "No..." thug: (apparently not convinced by answer) "I have to hate you."
Leaving aside whether or not the guy was a Nazi......
winter, 2001.
One of my Uncle Walt's sons had made a card for Grandma and Grandpa Dwyer. The message was essentially: "Grandparents are always there when you need them."
The card had been left in a John F. Kennedy bio, and Grandpa had gifted me the book.
Rough day, paging through book, I saw card.
Somehow, seeing that card totally lifted my spirits.
I phoned Grandma & Grandpa as soon as I could, for no reason other than I wanted to talk to them.
spring, 1982.
hilltop elementary school, mchenry.
During football game after lunch, fellow 4th grader, Michael Haase delivers me a devastating tackle. As in, I was 'jarred.'
so, angry, I made a point of clobbering Haase the next time he had the ball.
He was way bigger than me.
But I clobbered him anyway.
This is the kind of guy Haase turned out to be?
He hopped off of ground, said, "Nice tackle!" and returned to game.
Guy has still yet to take a 'cheap shot' at me in 30+ years of knowing him.
End of rant.

with the rhyming words

Ancient history is legend.
Guarantors protect your money.
Try some sugar on your oatmeal.
If your tastes don't run to honey.
city-states pay for protection.
Dirty Dingus Magee settles.
Take a walk along the nature trail.
Be careful with the nettles.
Play a fiddle.
Use more feeling.
Tuco lived to see tomorrow.
Midnight Cowboy had a girlfriend.
Her name was Brenda Vaccaro.
Dynasties can last for decades.
No need to hold your breath.
The zebra's stripes don't lie.
Turn round the corner--don't fear death.
Poseidon holds the trident.
A gambler juggles dice.
i smoked and ate some dinner.
The guy told me it was rice.
Alfalfa sprouts for supper.
Some cherries for dessert.
Goliath tried to kill David.
As always, the truth hurt.

who really

In the nineteen-eighties they had music.
Madonna, Prince, Michael Jackson, Corey Hart, Cyndi Lauper, the Pogues, the Bangles, etc.
How, or why, did Ronald Reagan manage with all of this going on?
Dez Dickerson jumped the Prince ship, seems it was due to the loveless eroticism, typified by the Nelson/Melvoin/Coleman smash 'raspberry beret.'
It was a long time ago.
But who really ruled the 1980s?
a) Madonna
b) Prince
c) Corey Hart
d) Cyndi Lauper
e) Michael Jackson
f)  Shane MacGowan

Kita's Aunt Martha

at the Asian noodle-type restaurant.
Loudmouth is eating, across from trophy girl.
Yells at waitress to bring check.
Yells about something else.
Who knows?
Another day, might have nudged Martha, said, "Isn't that guy obnoxious. Who is his date?"
Martha handled it.
"He's sitting there high on the hog with Ms. Kewpie Doll (sic)," said Martha.
Taken care of!

with the car and traffic

so...a poor impulse type would have gone ballistic on the car horn.

boy

these pretzels? making me thirsty

'found text'

THE END AND THE BEGINNING
translated by J. Trzeciak
written by Wislawa Szymborska

'After every war
someone has to clean up.
Things won't
straighten themselves up, after all.
Someone has to push the rubble
to the side of the road,
so the corpse-filled wagons
can pass.
Someone has to get mired
in scum and ashes,
sofa springs,
splintered glass,
and bloody rags.
Someone has to drag in a girder
to prop up a wall,
Someone has to glaze a window,
rehang a door.
Photogenic it's not,
and takes years.
All the cameras have left
for another war.
We'll need the bridges back,
and new railway stations.
Sleeves will go ragged
from rolling them up.
Someone, broom in hand,
still recalls the way it was.
Someone else listens
and nods with unsevered head.
But already there are those nearby
starting to mill about
who will find it dull.
From out of the bushes
sometimes someone still unearths
rusted-out arguments
and carries them to the garbage pile.
Those who knew what was going on here
must make way for
those who know little.
And less than little.
And finally as little as nothing.
In the grass that has overgrown
causes and effects,
someone must be stretched out
blade of grass in his mouth
gazing at the clouds.'

enemies, public and private

The One About Chuck D

In July 1990 at the P.E. show.
He made a speech about the groups of people in America, a big list.
Mentioned the mentally ill.
Somehow I knew he was right, but I didn't share it with anyone.
Scared of Peter Gabriel's 'Lead a Normal Life,' maybe.
Then, at the December 1990 P.E. show.
It was his gutsy from-the-hip speech about what a disaster President Bush and his looming Gulf War were.
I KNEW that was right.
Got kicked off the street by the cops after the riot, but you know what?
He was right.

about Trayvon Martin

     “There’s disconnect in America,” lamented Fat Guy. “Disconnection.”

     “Right,” said Jack Bronstein. “Like, when you don’t pay your phone bill. Right?”

     Fatty answered, “No. I mean, the way some Americans rot, while the big shots sit there and pamper themselves. There’s no compassion!”

     Jack nodded, “I see what you mean. Are you familiar with the name George Zimmerman, Fatty?”

     Fatty raised an eyebrow.

     Jack said, “Zimmerman wanted to be a policeman. It seems that he shot and killed a man named Trayvon Martin back in February of this year.”

     “Why?” asked Fatty.

     Jack answered, “Zimmerman claims he was defending himself. But eyewitness accounts say otherwise.”

     “See?” sighed Fatty. “No compassion.”

     Jack agreed, “If you have no compassion for people, of course you’ll attack a stranger.”

     Fatty shook his head woefully.

     Jack concluded, “It’s happening everywhere. In a land without compassion, people smile upon murder.”

Jack talks smack

"My features form with a change in the weather," announced John Methuselah Bronstein.
"Yeah, yeah," growled overweight ombudsman Fat Guy Genuine Article. "I'm working on the ultimate music mix. It's a tribute to the greatest."
Jack queried, "The greatest?"
Fatty nodded smugly.
"the greatest WHAT, Fatty?" said Jack.
"THE greatest," Fatty beamed.
Jack sighed, "Fatty, I don't want to have to make any phone calls on you this early in the week."
"Phone calls, Jack?" said Fatty.
Jack said, "Yeah. Phone calls. You've already used up your smart-ass points for March. And Casimir Pulaski Day or NOT? It's only the fifth. By my reckoning, you're on probation for the next 26 days. The spotlight's on you! Shape up."
Fatty bellowed, "You can keep the comments about my weight to a MINIMUM...and you can keep them to YOURSELF. In case you haven't noticed, I'm on diet. Damn straight! I'm going to slim down. Three weeks from now, the FAT JOKES will be on YOU. Heed me well."
Jack shrugged, "Heedwell, indeed. Just remember, this ain't Fat Guy Films. At least, not yet. This is Bronstein Studios. And make no mistake: That's how it is. Did you see anybody named Fat Guy in Tim Burton's 'Ed Wood'? Heh? Did you? No. No, you didn't. Get it right!"
"You're all talk, Jack," scoffed Fatty. I'll hit the big time soon enough. My time will come. So take heed. Heed."

truth

Mother let her prodigal son come back to her.

oceanic

Now and again, the tide turns.

Float me down the river and the windmill stops.

I headed for the turret but i landed near the copse.

Tournament of roses seems to say everything's fine.

Rat me out for pennies when the going rate's a dime.

Grabbing hands over fist with the pound.

Something tells me that the world is spinning round.

Fools on the hill tumble down and take a break.

I loaded up on sugar and I stole a slice of cake.

Toothache Schmoothache

I could always skip a meal.

Something deep inside tells me don't forget to feel.

Fat Guy tips the scales;

His boss Jack Bronstein sips Burfresca.

The government and business make an incomplete trifecta.

One's man hero is another woman's rake.

Nelson Algren says Chicago is a city on the make.

gears grinders

what the

Encased in a block of ice, Emperor Palpatine Sidious sighed, "What is WRONG with me? I should have taken that position at George Costanza's Jerk Store!"

trifecta at dawn--2012

elmer, Glaviano setter of note, paused.


"What's that, pooch? Cat got yer tongue?" chuckled Fat Guy.

Jack Bronstein made a furtive 'don't do that' hand signal.

Elmer barked, "Cute as a hangnail, Fatty. Bad manners to boot. Here's the thing. You can sing and dance about trifectas until you win, place, show, lose, and draw. There's a catch."

Overweight ombudsman that he was, Fatty arrogantly lit up a stink-a-roo cigar, and puffed.

"Here's the catch," continued Elmer. It was a great idea you had a decade ago."

Fatty nodded smugly.

Elmer warned, "Smug me not, lackbeard."

Fatty nervously tugged at his chin.

Jack lit up his own stink-a-roo, put it in his mouth, and made the 'fingers-pointed-at-eyes-so-as-to-indicate-I'm-watching-you' hand gesture.

"Brilliant casting, Fatty!" allowed Elmer. 'The Gooder, The Badder, and the Uglier.' With Giuseppe Verdi as the Vatican as Tuco Ramirez as Eli Wallach."

Jack made a face.

Elmer went on, "Clint Eastwood as the Beatles as the Jesuits as Blondie as The Man With No Name."

Slurping on a Burfresca drink, Fatty bellowed, "FIVE names, more like!"

Gravely, Jack blew out the last Hanukkah candle, frowned, and declared, "It's no mistake that they cast you as the M. Emmett Walsh 'Bryant' character in the prequel to 'Blade Runner,' Fatty."

"I thought that was a video game!" protested Fatty.

A Morricone melody called "The Strong" wafted from parts unknown into the office.

Fatty nodded smugly.

"Last but not least!" barked Elmer. "Rounding out the Armagideon Trifecta. Lee van Cleef as Angel Eyes Setenza as James Bond as 007 as British Intelligence."

Elmer let out a yawn, and saw to some biscuit offering.

Fatty squinted, "Is there a moral to this story, Elmer?"

"I'll take this one," said Jack. "What Elmer's trying to say, is, like it or not, 007 has an unfair advantage over Verdi and the Beatles."

"How so, Jack?"

Jack shrugged, "The James Bond Theme is THE most well-known pop song in the world. Whether or not Verdi's 'Nabucco,' or John Lennon's 'Imagine,' is BETTER than James Bond Theme, James Bond Theme has reached more people!"

Fatty scoffed, "What utter and condensed bs. Popularity contests are bunk. The 1960 United States Presidential election may have been the last popularity contest worth winning. And Dick Nixon ended up winning anyway. Bunk."

"WOOF," Elmer warned, "Stay away from that Nixon third rail. Be smart. WOOF."

Jack nodded, "He's right, Fatty. Nixon is poison. Artistically--and politically. Step off."

Fatty said, "I'm confused. You're saying, if I turn my Armagideon Trifecta into a Broadway stage situation,, 007 has to win?"

Jack nodded smugly.

"Majority rules, Fatty," sighed Elmer. "You should try something a little less toxic. What about the Wall of Sound?"

Fatty gaped, "You mean, the caucasian guy, with the Afro, who killed his girlfriend in 2003? As portrayed on TV by Al Pacino?"

Jack shook his head.

"That's exactly what I mean," smiled Elmer. "Before Leonard Cohen convicted Phil Spector of being insane, in a magazine, Spector produced some quality."

Jack laughed, "Quality's an adjective, Elmer."

Elmer barked, "YOU"RE an adjective, Jack!"

Jack shrugged, "Fair enough."

"Now get to work, Fatty," said a helpful Elmer. "I want an essay comparing--and contrasting--the Ronettes' Greatest Hits CD...and the Crystals' Greatest Hits CD. Don't get cute. Don't pull somme 'also starring the Shirelles' 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?' as The Gordian Knot' stunt. I will chomp you up and bury you in the back YARD. Feel me?"

Fatty nodded curtly.

Jack lit up a hash monkey, split the difference, and beamed, "Eat 'em and smile, Fatty. Eat 'em and smile."

"I intend to," Fatty said ominously.

And the trifecta lived to see another sunrise.