truth

Mother let her prodigal son come back to her.

oceanic

Now and again, the tide turns.

Float me down the river and the windmill stops.

I headed for the turret but i landed near the copse.

Tournament of roses seems to say everything's fine.

Rat me out for pennies when the going rate's a dime.

Grabbing hands over fist with the pound.

Something tells me that the world is spinning round.

Fools on the hill tumble down and take a break.

I loaded up on sugar and I stole a slice of cake.

Toothache Schmoothache

I could always skip a meal.

Something deep inside tells me don't forget to feel.

Fat Guy tips the scales;

His boss Jack Bronstein sips Burfresca.

The government and business make an incomplete trifecta.

One's man hero is another woman's rake.

Nelson Algren says Chicago is a city on the make.

gears grinders

what the

Encased in a block of ice, Emperor Palpatine Sidious sighed, "What is WRONG with me? I should have taken that position at George Costanza's Jerk Store!"

trifecta at dawn--2012

elmer, Glaviano setter of note, paused.


"What's that, pooch? Cat got yer tongue?" chuckled Fat Guy.

Jack Bronstein made a furtive 'don't do that' hand signal.

Elmer barked, "Cute as a hangnail, Fatty. Bad manners to boot. Here's the thing. You can sing and dance about trifectas until you win, place, show, lose, and draw. There's a catch."

Overweight ombudsman that he was, Fatty arrogantly lit up a stink-a-roo cigar, and puffed.

"Here's the catch," continued Elmer. It was a great idea you had a decade ago."

Fatty nodded smugly.

Elmer warned, "Smug me not, lackbeard."

Fatty nervously tugged at his chin.

Jack lit up his own stink-a-roo, put it in his mouth, and made the 'fingers-pointed-at-eyes-so-as-to-indicate-I'm-watching-you' hand gesture.

"Brilliant casting, Fatty!" allowed Elmer. 'The Gooder, The Badder, and the Uglier.' With Giuseppe Verdi as the Vatican as Tuco Ramirez as Eli Wallach."

Jack made a face.

Elmer went on, "Clint Eastwood as the Beatles as the Jesuits as Blondie as The Man With No Name."

Slurping on a Burfresca drink, Fatty bellowed, "FIVE names, more like!"

Gravely, Jack blew out the last Hanukkah candle, frowned, and declared, "It's no mistake that they cast you as the M. Emmett Walsh 'Bryant' character in the prequel to 'Blade Runner,' Fatty."

"I thought that was a video game!" protested Fatty.

A Morricone melody called "The Strong" wafted from parts unknown into the office.

Fatty nodded smugly.

"Last but not least!" barked Elmer. "Rounding out the Armagideon Trifecta. Lee van Cleef as Angel Eyes Setenza as James Bond as 007 as British Intelligence."

Elmer let out a yawn, and saw to some biscuit offering.

Fatty squinted, "Is there a moral to this story, Elmer?"

"I'll take this one," said Jack. "What Elmer's trying to say, is, like it or not, 007 has an unfair advantage over Verdi and the Beatles."

"How so, Jack?"

Jack shrugged, "The James Bond Theme is THE most well-known pop song in the world. Whether or not Verdi's 'Nabucco,' or John Lennon's 'Imagine,' is BETTER than James Bond Theme, James Bond Theme has reached more people!"

Fatty scoffed, "What utter and condensed bs. Popularity contests are bunk. The 1960 United States Presidential election may have been the last popularity contest worth winning. And Dick Nixon ended up winning anyway. Bunk."

"WOOF," Elmer warned, "Stay away from that Nixon third rail. Be smart. WOOF."

Jack nodded, "He's right, Fatty. Nixon is poison. Artistically--and politically. Step off."

Fatty said, "I'm confused. You're saying, if I turn my Armagideon Trifecta into a Broadway stage situation,, 007 has to win?"

Jack nodded smugly.

"Majority rules, Fatty," sighed Elmer. "You should try something a little less toxic. What about the Wall of Sound?"

Fatty gaped, "You mean, the caucasian guy, with the Afro, who killed his girlfriend in 2003? As portrayed on TV by Al Pacino?"

Jack shook his head.

"That's exactly what I mean," smiled Elmer. "Before Leonard Cohen convicted Phil Spector of being insane, in a magazine, Spector produced some quality."

Jack laughed, "Quality's an adjective, Elmer."

Elmer barked, "YOU"RE an adjective, Jack!"

Jack shrugged, "Fair enough."

"Now get to work, Fatty," said a helpful Elmer. "I want an essay comparing--and contrasting--the Ronettes' Greatest Hits CD...and the Crystals' Greatest Hits CD. Don't get cute. Don't pull somme 'also starring the Shirelles' 'Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow?' as The Gordian Knot' stunt. I will chomp you up and bury you in the back YARD. Feel me?"

Fatty nodded curtly.

Jack lit up a hash monkey, split the difference, and beamed, "Eat 'em and smile, Fatty. Eat 'em and smile."

"I intend to," Fatty said ominously.

And the trifecta lived to see another sunrise.

show biz!!!!

Mark 'one last gig' Wahlberg trades in his guns for a pair of 'sand sandals'...and a castle.
HE'S GOING TO THE BEACH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE MEDIUM SIZE LEBOWSKI

starring
John Methuselah Bronstein as "Jack"
"Jack" as Jeff Bridges
Jeff Bridges as "Lebowski"
John Goodman as "Fat Guy"
"Fat Guy" as Fatty
Fatty as "Sobczak"
and
Elmer the Glaviano Setter as Donny

It was Sunday, and 'The Alley' was pretty deserted.
But then, The Alley was deserted most Sundays.
Bob Dylan's haunting 'Sad Eyed Lady of the Lowlands' wafted from the radio.
Fat Guy beamed, "Whoa. Now THIS song takes me BACK."
"Yeah?" replied Jack Bronstein.
Fat Guy nodded, "And how. It reminds me of building tree forts with Skinny Boy. Back in the day!"
Jack sipped his drink, and he grinned, "Sure. Everybody who isn't gay has built a tree fort of some kind."
Fatty gaped.
"At least once," added Jack.
Fatty balked, "What the hell does that mean, Jack?"
Jack shrugged.
Fatty said, "You're silly. PLENTY of gay people build forts. Just look at Russia's best!"
Jack gawked, "'Russia's Best'? What's that, Fatty? A salad dressing? Heh heh."
Fatty bellowed, "Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky!!!"
Jack laughed mirthfully.
The Bob Dylan was replaced-in due course-by Tchaikovsky's 'Capriccio Italien.'
Jack nodded approvingly.
Fatty adjusted his eyeglassed, and declared, "Tchaikovsky is a towering genius--and one of the most tragic figures of the 19th century."
Jack puffed on a cigarette.
"Allegedly," Fatty went on, "Tchaikovsky had romantic feelings for his nephew, Bob."
Perplexed, Jack asked, "They got Russian people named BOB?"
Fatty replied, "Yes. At least ONE. Here's the point, Jack. Scholars agree that Pyotr Tchaikovsky's suicide was prompted by homosexual panic. The BAD kind. He had to die."
Squinting, Jack said, "Why did he have to die?"
"To save face, Jack," sighed Fatty.
Jack said, "I see. So they hate gay homosexuals in Russia."
Fatty lamented, "Jack, the Russians hate pretty much everybody."
Jack chuckled ironically.
Fatty added, "Give or take."
"They sure were mean to my ancestors," reflected Jack.
Fatty nodded, "I don't doubt it. But back to my story. Russia is full of snow. Fertile fort territory--and then some."
"Firth of Forth," barked Elmer Conigliario, the princely Glaviano Setter.
Jack gasped, "Elmer! When did YOU get here?"
"I live here," barked Elmer.
Fatty growled, "Let's try to stay on one topic here, please. I'm telling a story. Gay composers like Tchaikovsky--"
Elmer interjected, "WOOF. You two are BOTH homosexual, Fatty. WOOF."
Fatty frowned.
"WOOF," continued Elmer. "Here's how. Frieda Kokovoko answers phones for you two. She arranges holidays. And if you would like--"
Petula Clark's "Don't Sleep in the Subway" blasted form the radio, drowning out Elmer.
Jack said, "That's a Monty Python reference. And it's not safe for children. Come on!"
Fatty shrugged obtusely.
Elmer concluded, "WOOF. Look. Two STRAIGHT men would be a lot friendlier to Frieda. Natch?"
Jack quipped, "Fact or opinion, Elmer?"
Elmer growled.
"A word about Frieda," said Jack. "She's clearly a secret agent. A DOUBLE agent. Pope Benedict PLANTED her here. She's helping Mike Piazza spy on rogue Jesuits like Fatty."
"I don't BELIEVE you, Jack!" cried Fatty. "Now tell him who killed JFK!"
"It was the Dukes!" gasped Eddie Murphy. "It was the Dukes!"
Sarah Kane observed, "Mental illness is ultimatley physical."
Bob nodded, "Sarah's right. And I can't say you people didn't try."